Even here, breaking surface
One hard step at a time, so much of what I do
Is plodding along, forgetting it’s easy
To keep sounding myself. Do I
Forget what I’m saying? Distracted,
My brain mutters something about
An old injury it hangs onto, not even
Meant for me. I hear there’s training
For this too. Meanwhile, I find myself
Surprised to be unzipping under
Such a wind, how hard my body becomes
To carry. They let me
Come up all alone, the whole
Place to myself. Not afraid it seems
To lose me. Sink, flail and pull back
Out, sink again. The view,
Will it dazzle? I can’t see the edge
Where ice bears itself away
Continually, just under my feet
The raft that carries me over invisibly
Splitting. If I forget myself, I could
Become spectacular. Could throw
Myself, whole hearted, into something
Or off. Stop. Look. Blaze
And shadow. So blue
My stars falling away.
Palmer Station, Antarctica